The Great January Opt-Out 🕊️

If you’re waiting for the "New Year Spark" to hit but all you feel is the heavy, mid-winter fatigue - congratulations. You’re human!

For those of us raised as the 'reliable ones' - the only daughters, the high-achievers, the ones that feel their value is tied to their output - January is a high-pressure trap. It tells us that if we aren’t 'reinventing', we’re 'regressing'. It turns self-care into a competitive sport. But I’m officially opting out and you’re invited to join me, are you in?

In 2026, the world is louder than ever. We have 'Dopamine Menus', 'Quiet Ambition' and a million digital voices telling us how to be 'better' (no wonder you're feeling exhausted!) But as a therapist I recognise that you don't need to be better. You just want to feel as though you're not stuck up in your head all day long - that you can start to feel more present, connected and in control of your life and relationships.

Here's what else I want you to know this January:

• You are not a 'project' to be finished: You are a person to be held.

  
  

• Your nervous system doesn't care about the calendar. It doesn't 'reset' at midnight on December 31st. It only cares if you feel safe right now.

  
  

• 'Doing nothing' is a radical act of recovery. For the hyper-responsible woman, resting isn't 'lazy' - it’s a pattern interrupt.

  
  

I recently saw Paul C Brunson and Dr Julie shared a reel about how we can't have all of our cups full all of the time and honestly, it felt like a relief and a call-out at the same time. I often notice how I expect myself to be emotionally available, productive, patient, present and calm - all at once. This isn't realistic. It's not a failure either, it's just being human.

Image taken from Instagram reel posted by @needtotalk

When we talk about 'cups' we're referring to the different parts of our lives that need energy - work, relationships, our bodies, our emotions. And the truth is, we don't have unlimited energy to fill all of them at once.

So instead of beating ourselves up or struggling with this, a simple practice that could help is pausing and asking yourself: Which cup needs care today? Which cup can be 'good enough' for now?

New Year, Same You - Yay!

If you started the year with a list of plans that currently feel like a heavy weight, here is my suggestion: Stop trying to execute them and start interrogating them.

Take those goals out of your head and put them on the table. Look at them with curiosity, not criticism and ask:

• Is this realistic? Is your nervous system actually ready for this, or are you trying to force a spring bloom in the middle of the winter frost?

  
  

• Who's goal is this? Does this bring you a sense of expansive happiness or is it something you think you should want because it would make others proud?

  
  

If you still want to move forward, pick just one. But before you take a single step, I want you to walk away from the goal entirely for a few days. Go back to your 'cups'. Focus on restoring your energy and regulating your nervous system first. You cannot pour from a cracked vessel. When you do come back to it, break that one goal into chunks that feel 'easier' to manage. And if you change your mind halfway through? That isn’t a failure. It’s an evaluation. Reflect on why, go back to your 'safety menu' and restore your energy. You are allowed to be a work in progress without being a 'project' that needs fixing.

If you look at the most influential people around you, they aren't actually doing it all. They just stop pretending that they have to.

They don't try to do everything, all at once, every day and then beat themselves up when they hit a human limit. Instead, they build scaffolding. They ask for help, they outsource the noise and they manage what they can with the resources they have. They don't see 'rest' as a reward for finishing - they see it as the literal fuel for their influence. They evaluate, they rebalance and most importantly, they refuse to let their worth be defined by a to-do list.

You can do this too.

P.S - I have a few slots opening up soon for individual counselling sessions and I'll soon be releasing more ways to work with me so if you'd like to be the first to know about those - subscribe to my newsletters and follow me on socials @littleoasistherapy - can't wait to see you there!