A Therapist's Honest Guide To Calming Your Nervous System - Part 2: The Practical Stuff

This is part 2 of a three part series on nervous system regulation for anxious overthinkers. If you missed part 1 where I broke down what the nervous system actually is and why yours can get stuck, you can read it here.

I want to be honest with you before we get into this. I'm a counsellor. I understand nervous system regulation professionally and intellectually. BUT, I still have days where I finish a session, sit in my car and feel the weight of everything I've held for other people sitting heavily in my chest. I am also human, so things happen just the same as they do for you - from the small inconveniences of running out of milk in the morning to the big big disruptions and everything in-between.

The techniques I'm about to share aren't things I found in a textbook and passed on. These are things I actually use. On ordinary days, after long weeks, in the moments when my own nervous system needs reminding that it's allowed to rest.

This matters to me because I think the most useful advice comes from someone who's in it with you - not standing at the front of the room telling you what to do from a safe distance.

So here are my 7 things that actually help:

1. Reframe the thought - don't fight it

When an intrusive or anxious thought arrives, the instinct is to push it away. But as we know, resistance tends to make thoughts louder not quieter. Instead, get curious about it. Ask yourself: would this thought hold up in court? Is it a fact and if so what is the evidence for it? What's the most realistic version of this situation rather than the worst case?

Reframing isn't toxic positivity. It's not telling yourself everything is fine when it isn't. It's gently challenging the story your nervous system is telling you and asking whether it's actually true. This is one of the most powerful tools I use with clients and with myself. It takes practice. But it changes everything.

2. Get outside and use your senses when you do

I'm a big believer in the simplest things being the most effective. For me nothing regulates my nervous system faster than being outside with just myself, a water bottle and enough space to breathe.

Nature has a genuinely calming effect on the nervous system - it's not just a nice idea, it's well evidenced. You can also make it even more powerful by combining it with the 5-4-3-2-1 grounding technique while you walk, which again is so simple and yet really powerful.

Name 5 things you can see, 4 things you can touch or feel, 3 things you can hear, 2 things you can smell,1 thing you can taste - you can say these out loud or in your head. It pulls you out of 'thinking' mode and into your body. Into the present moment so that your nervous system can finally stop scanning for a threat that isn't there.

3. Shake it out

This one sounds strange. But I dare you to give it a try anyway.

Shaking is actually one of the most instinctive ways animals release stress from their bodies after a threatening experience. Humans largely stopped doing it and perhaps we're worse off for it! After a long day, a hard conversation or a session that took a lot from me, I shake it out. Literally. Hands, arms, legs, whole body. It feels ridiculous for about ten seconds and then it feels like relief.

If you carry tension in your shoulders, your jaw or your chest, try this before you do anything else. You might be surprised.

4. Music or silence - find your nervous system decompression switch

On the way home from sessions I do one of two things.

I either blast the music and sing along at full volume, completely unselfconsciously, just me, the road and whatever song feels right. Or I sit in complete silence and let the quiet do its work. Both are regulation. Both are ways of telling my nervous system that that part of the day is over now and I'm allowed to come back to the present.

The key is knowing which one you need and giving yourself permission to choose it without guilt. Some days you need noise to process. Some days you need quiet to land. Neither is wrong.

Find your decompression switch and use it consistently. It becomes a signal to your nervous system that safety is coming.

5. One sentence journaling

Somewhere along the way journaling became this enormous pressure... like if you weren't filling pages with profound reflections you were doing it wrong.

You're not doing it wrong. You're just overwhelmed.

So try this instead - just one sentence. That's it. How did today go in one honest sentence. Not a summary, not an analysis, not a list of everything you should have done differently. Just one sentence that tells the truth about your day. "Today was hard and I'm proud I got through it" or "today felt lighter than yesterday" or "today I said something I'd been holding for weeks and it went okay". That's enough... more than enough!

Over time those single sentences become the most honest record of your own growth you'll ever have.

6. Chunk it down

Anxiety loves a to-do list. It looks at everything you have to do and turns it into evidence that you're failing, falling behind or not enough. So, stop giving it the full list.

When I'm overwhelmed I pick one thing. Just one. The smallest, most manageable version of what needs doing. I do that thing. Then I decide what comes next. Breaking goals down isn't about being less ambitious, it's about giving your nervous system a win instead of a wall.

Small wins build momentum. Momentum builds confidence. Confidence quiets the part of your brain that was convinced you couldn't do it.

7. Rest without guilt

This one is the hardest for us overthinkers. I say 'us' because although overthinking doesn't feel paralysing anymore, I can still have to catch myself sometimes when I notice myself drifting into an old way of thinking and I completely GET IT when talking to other individuals about it.

Your nervous system cannot regulate itself without rest. Not scrolling. Not half watching something while your mind races. Actual rest. Sleep. Stillness. Mindful activities. Permission to stop. I know that feels impossible when your brain won't switch off. But here's what I want you to consider - the exhaustion you feel isn't laziness. It's the cost of running on high alert for too long.

You are allowed to rest before you've earned it. You are allowed to sleep without solving everything first. You are allowed to do nothing and call it enough. Resting without guilt is not a luxury. It's how your nervous system heals.

A final note

You don't need to implement all seven of these today. Pick one. The one that felt most like something you could actually do. Try it this week and notice what happens.

Small consistent steps are how nervous systems heal. Not grand overhauls. Not perfect routines. Just one small choice, made again and again. I'm still learning - but these things are working!

Part 3 of this series is coming soon... we'll be talking about self trust and breaking the overthinking cycle for good.

If you're ready to go deeper on any of this with someone who genuinely gets it, I offer a free 20 minute consultation. I'd love to hear from you!

Click here to book in with me

About the author

Hi I'm Lucy, I'm a compassionate integrative therapist specialising in working with secret overthinkers, the quietly 'strong' ones, the ones who come across 'fine' but feel very different on the inside. I combine evidence-based approaches like CBT, mindfulness and relational therapy to help clients move from anxiety to authenticity. When I'm not in sessions, you can find me enjoying the simple things: outdoors, walks, friends, quiet time reading or watching a psychological thriller series.