Mental Health Awareness Week: Mistaking someone else's mood as a measure of your worth

Welcome back, I hope you are sitting comfortably and in the mood to dive into the not-so-comfortable experience of feeling responsible for other people's lives. So much so that you almost forget you have needs yourself or feel they are not worth bringing up, because what's more important to you is keeping the peace, keeping others happy and stress-free. Sound familiar?

For Mental Health Awareness Week I wanted to share a personal struggle and what I've learnt about it through therapy sessions with clients and my own healing journey. So let's get into it.

Despite what we may believe about ourselves and the way we've learnt to manage, we don't have control over any one else. Not what they think, how they feel, what they choose to do - nothing. We can only control how we feel and how we respond to others and our environment. So this constant pressure you put on yourself to keep everyone happy, is just that. It's a pressure we make. Not because we want to, but because of our childhood and the messages we recieved when we were younger, that developed into coping mechanisms and ideas about where we fit in the world.

For a long time, I was deeply affected by other people’s tone of voice. A sigh, a sharp word, a change in energy - I felt it and I automatically reacted in the only way I knew how to. By feeling as though it was my fault, even if it wasn't directed at me. When I look back, I've realised that I often felt this need to shrink, to be 'good', 'quiet', 'no trouble' as I felt that by being this way, I could help make others lives easier, more stress free. And that if they were happy, I would be too. What I didn’t realise then and what I know now, is how early experiences like this can shape the way we move through the world as adults. I see it often in therapy sessions with clients, those of us who grew up tiptoeing around tension now carry invisible pressure to keep the peace at all costs. We overthink what we say. We silence our needs.

✨ But here’s the truth: someone else’s discomfort is not a measure of your worth. You don’t have to shrink to be loved. You don’t have to apologise for taking up space. You don’t have to “be good” to be enough.

Let go of the pressure - it's weighing you down!

If any of this resonates, I hope you give yourself permission, even just a little, to question the stories you’ve carried. The ones that taught you your voice was too loud, your feelings too messy, your presence too much. This month, maybe the most radical act of care is beginning to unlearn those beliefs and starting to see yourself with the softness you once needed from others.

With compassion,

Lucy